Friday, June 8, 2001
You know, Floyd, I was just thinking to myself, 'What of Satan?'
And you know what? I decided to call him! So, thanks to the fact that my office doesn't let us use the long-distance service we pay so much for - I will now call Hades collect.
Ring Ring SATAN: Yes, this is the dark prince. OPERATOR: You have a collect call from: J.: What, up Lucifer! OPERATOR: Will you accept the charges? SATAN: Um, well... yes. J.: Hey S-man! I'm with TeamFUN, and I have a few questions I'd like to ask on behalf of the team. SATAN: How did you get this number? I am the Lord of the Dark, ruler of all that is evil, I don't answer questions. J.: No, no, I didn't mean to impose, I mean, we at TeamFUN!, well, we're kinda curious... What of SATAN!? SATAN: What? What do you mean? Are you selling something? J.: No way Big Red! We're just curious, well, what of SATAN!? SATAN: That's it, this conversation is over. And you and your team fun friends can kiss your eternal souls, bye bye. ominous click J.: Hello? Geez... celebrities...
Thursday, June 7, 2001
Let's take a look at the numbers you skipped, Judah. Taking the bolded occurances out of the numbers you chose, and adding in the numbers you skipped, we have: 383 284718 3.108723523562486 521385.238284738628678051 9817401 24091452165 8 4823741835 2938 9999999999999999994 3.1415926... (you know, Pi). Now, arranging these numbers into groups of five for ease of deciphering (as is commonly done in the world of mathematics and cryptography) we get:
Now, take each of the rows and sum the 5-digit (and one 2-digit) numbers to obtain a new list. For example, 38328 + 47183 + 10872 + 35235 + 62486 + 52138 + 52382 = 298624. Doing this for each row, we get the following list:
298624 402642 489407 436417 236021
Then, sum all of the digits of each number and make a new list - for example, 2 + 9 + 8 + 6 + 2 + 4 = 31. The list turns out to be:
31 18 32 25 14
Now, with a little creative math and a bit of intuition, we discover that 31 - 18 + 32 - 25 + 14 equals nothing other than 34.
NOT SO RANDOM ANYMORE, IS IT NICK?!!!? I've uncovered your dirty little scheme, and I - wait, I shouldn't be backing Judah up on this. Um. There is no conspiracy. (hums politely and walks away)
Thursday, June 7, 2001
Since the random numbers post is only 98% bankrupt, I thought I might finish the job. From here on out, anyone who posts on the subject gets a checkmark by their name.
Since everyone was so humorous, I'll take a different vein. Did you notice:
"28471843": four-three
"3.1034438723523562486": three-four, then four-three
"34521385.238284738628678051": three-four
"81": 3^4
"240934145213465": three-four twice
"34": three-four
"4.3": four point three
Wednesday, June 6, 2001 Go! U Northwestern Words and Music by
Theodore C. Van Etten, '13
Go! U Northwestern!
Break right through that line.
With our colors flying,
We will cheer you all the time,
U! Rah! Rah!
Go U Northwestern
Fight for victory,
Spread far the fame of our fair name
Go Northwestern, win that game!
Go! U Northwestern!
(Whistle)
(Yell) Go! Northwestern Go!
(Whistle)
(Yell) Go! Northwestern Go!
Hit 'em hard!
Hit 'em low!
Go, Northwestern Go!
(Repeat chorus)
(Yell) Varsity, Varsity, Hit 'em hard and low
Varsity, Varsity, Go Northwestern, Go.
U Rah, Rah! U Rah, Rah!
U Northwestern Rah!
(Repeat chorus)
Wednesday, June 6, 2001
The first thing that popped into my head when I saw NUFAN was a fan of my fine university's athletic teams, which is an obvious sign that I will be damn glad to get out of the jock dorm in four days.
Wednesday, June 6, 2001
Oh Swifty-poo! I want to hug you!
Just the fact that you knew HPOT makes me wanna stop borrowing your clothes and try my new kung-fu moves out on you!
OK, more number deciphering:
9817401 - this is the number of minutes I have spent surfing the web instead of working.
240934145213465 - the number of cups of coffee consumed during and average business day at my job.
8 - The number of sane and rational thoughts I have had this morning.
OK, new Acronym for us Acronym trivia lovers! Anyone know what NUFAN is?
Wednesday, June 6, 2001
Just for the general public's info, HPOT stands for "Hawaiian Punch On Tap," as Atom and his wonderful Package have so duly noted. This is in no way to be confused with any of the following acronyms:
HOPT:Hogs On Peter's Telephone HPTO:Hell-Pants Total Oswego HTOP:Hats That Open Parcels THOP:Todd Hates Old People
You have all been notified. Remember - learning is half the battle. The other half is, without a doubt, ass-kicking.
Wednesday, June 6, 2001
I'll take a crack at this here number-a-fyin'.
3.1034438723523562486 is how many legs my bed has, ever since Peter came over with his pet ferret "Steve".
34521385.238284738628678051 is how many dollars the American public would have collectively saved last weekend if they had read my review of Pearl Harbor.
81 is how many ex-members of Menudo currently have restraining orders against me.
But we really should defer to Judah for any more decipherification. That big freak actually likes math. Sheesh!
Tuesday, June 5, 2001
Aha! I shall now do some number decipherage!
383... hm, 383... the 3 is for the number of times anyone has posted this month. The 8 is for the number of people who have visited my website and the next 3 stands for the number of rings given to the elven lords.
28471843 - Is the exact number of times that I have whacked my head on the lamp next to my bed. It is also the exact number of times I have fallen back on my pillow clutching my forehead while saying, "agh, I won't do that again!".
Hm... I'm all number deciphered out... Somebody else take a go...
Tuesday, June 5, 2001
In light of the fact that nobody has posted anything FUN! in the past two entire days, I now present...
An assortment of completely random numbers!
That's right, *your* very nickd is going to recant - off the top of his head - an assortment of randomly nickd-generated numbers. Maybe it spells out some subliminal phrase! Maybe they just have no significance! Who knows! Who cares? They're numbers!
Sunday, June 3, 2001
Graduation is finally over! Or at least they said when I woke up. I still can't figure out why I was naked. C'est la vie, I suppose. I don't know French. Anyway, can someone archive the page? Not all of us connect faster than 26,400 bps. I have to wait a country hour for the damn thing to load.
Friday, June 1, 2001
Football in the groin! Foot! Ball! In! The! Groin!
...
[extremely long silence]
With that in mind, some people might be wondering why I'm taking the time to write a FUN! post while I have all this crazy final exam shiz going on, coupled with the two immutable facts that I have a site to design and dirty laundry that needs to be dried. Let's just leave it that I've begun an important, crucial phase in my life, which most would refer to as "not caring." Woo-hah!
All rumors regarding Nick Hooyman's death have been greatly exaggerated.
An alarming trend of my writing Team FUN! posts while extremely pissed off at something, someone, or Scott Hall has arisen in past weeks. I don't know why this is, but I believe we can blame Scott Hall and then burn it down. Who's with me?!
I don't know what I'm writing anymore, primarily because I've stopped looking at my computer monitor and at my keyboard while typing, and I type too fast to read what I'm saying anyway. I could write something like "Nick Disabato is a big, fat dork!" and I wouldn't ever notice!
Thursday, May 31, 2001
All of you seem to have forgotten the one thing that is truly necessary for a party (or a "par-tay", as I believe the lingo goes), and that is:
Funny cardboard party hats.
Fortunately, I know a guy who knows a guy who can "hook us up" (again with the slang). Everybody just e-mail him directly and let him know what sort of hat you'd like to wear at the shindig. He can get birthday ones, New Year's ones, and maybe some that say "Congratulations On Your Retirement, Grandpa". I can't make any promises, though.
I'm really excited! Okay, I gotta go buy Mad Libs.
Thursday, May 31, 2001
True, Peter. But where would our party be without racing penguins? Your insistence on harping on ecological details makes you a GRADE A PARTY POOPER.
Now, maybe you should worry about our real problem: where can we acquire about 25 industrial-sized space heaters?
Penguins do not live at the North Pole, only South! The polar bears would eat them! They would cause a massive ecological shift and probably be the cause of the extinction of several species! RACING PENGUINS AT THE NORTH POLE = NO-NO! BAD FLOYD!
Thursday, May 31, 2001
Wait wait wait... did somebody say... party? As in a P to the A to the RTY? It is so ON now. I've got this friend, and he's not just my friend, see, he's also an accountant! But he's not just those two things - he's also a break dancer! Just throw some Grand Master Flash or Kid Koala on the tables, and my man BYBAM will school y'all on the mats! Just give him time to loosen his tie, take off his loafers, and drop his briefcase and this party will really go!
BYBAM is short for Beats Y'all Bitches At Math. He's a bad cracker. He's up in the bling. And not just the bling, but the bling bling too. Word! He likes midgets too, so that's cool. We gots our six dead presidents lined up in a row just itchin' to get this on! When's it start!?
Thursday, May 31, 2001
Amazing coincidence. I am also having a party on the eighth of june. However, I'm hosting mine at the North Pole. Because, were I to have it here, I'd be responsible for the deaths of dozens of unfortunates who suffered a horrible fate of untimely melting/roasting.
If you plan on attending, please bring a six dollar entry fee. For all people named Adam, with their last names starting with 'Zavala,' the fee is 12 dollars. This fee will help pay for the midgets, dancing chimpanzees, and the contingent of fighting squirells. It's going quite a wild party.
Thursday, May 31, 2001
I'm having a party at my house on the eighth of June. Everyone is invited. There will be lots of free food, drinks, and strippers galore twister. My address is as follows:
Thursday, May 31, 2001
As graduation approaches for me on Sunday, I want to know, where the hell are all the open house invitations? Especially Adam, but especially everyone else who did not offer me one. What's the dillio? Anyone may swing bye my house on Saturday from 2-6 if they wish.
Friday, May 25, 2001
I think it's safe to say that anyone that uses an iMac is pretty incapable of most coherent thought, much less plotting a conspiracy. Need proof? Case in point.
Friday, May 25, 2001
Hoo boy. I've been sitting on this long enough. Time to let the cat out of the bag.
The other day, right around the same time "Swifty"posted, I received an image in my e-mail. The only text accompanying the image was "You need to know.", and it came form an anonymous remailer. I popped open the image and, well:
I don't know if this e-mail came from the person in the photo, or from a concerned third party, or what, but I think a quick glance, especially at the note posted on the wall, makes things both a lot clearer and much more confusing. The face was obscured when I got the photo; no idea why.
It looks like we've got some sort of mass conspiracy on our hands here, folks. Trust no one.
Thursday, May 24, 2001
No, no, no, you guys; I'm neither dead nor morph-tastic nor involved in traditional Spanish ceremonies; none of that! I've simply been promoted to Sherriff 'round these parts, and t'ain't easy pickins in Rabble County.
Wednesday, May 23, 2001
After seeing Stuart's post, I became reminiscent of the good old days of NES and went to go play some roms. However, when I started up Mega Man, I saw something that was, in a word, "flabbergasting". In two words, "really flabbergasting". I took a screenshot quickly and ran to come show you all. Check this out:
Wednesday, May 23, 2001
I was spelunking earlier this morning, as it's Wednesday, and I stumbled upon this chamber, complete with Swifty hiding out in disguise:
He gave me this sword on the condition that I keep his whereabouts a secret, but I think it's for the best of the peace of mind of Team FUN! that I let you know. Sorry Swifty.
Tuesday, May 22, 2001
This mystery just keeps on folding in on itself, like a suicidal origami crane. I remember Swifty telling me once he wanted to introduce a new character to Friend Bear. That character would be Friend Bear's stool pigeon cousin Huggy. I didn't think it made much sense, until this afternoon. I was watching TV and grabbed this frame:
Monday, May 21, 2001
I was watching TV the other day (Simpsons marathon) when, in mid-laugh, I was overwhelmed by an undeniable need to crunch something.
Now, seeing that I am not given to feeling the need to crunch something very often, I found it rather ironic that it was at this moment that I first saw the commerical for the new Snickers Crunch bar.
Since I needed breadcrumbs anyway, I decided to cruise on over to Raley's Bel Air to pick up some, and a Snickers Crunch. I almost died on my way there, so naturally I hoped that I wouldn't be disappointed.
Unfortuantely, I was. I can't say that I've ever tasted a less interesting chocolate bar than the Snickers Crunch. Obviously a shameless gimmick candy, it has no substantial significance in the chocolate candy market.
Rather than spending your 59 cents on this sorry excuse for a snack, I suggest you purchase one of the following:
Tuesday, May 22, 2001
Ladies and gentlemen and conspiracy theorists alike, I'd like to settle this once and for all... You see, after viewing the previous Swifty posts on this page, I had then gone to listen to Weezer's newest album. I did this only to find that the suspicious-looking, non-matt-sharp-type character on the far left of the cover was not some random character after all, but instead the answer we'd been looking for all along.
Look at the cover again, folks. Notice something there that you might have missed the first time? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Sunday, May 20, 2001
Alex, that was indeed a very cute picture of a fox. But something about it nagged at me. So I popped it open in Photoshop and did some zooming in. Folks, we need to be very worried here. Not only has Swifty mastered time, space, and multiple dimensions, he is now Lord and Master of the physical form. To wit:
Sunday, May 20, 2001
I fear that Swifty may be in more danger than we'd previously suspected. Ok, visiting famous periods in history and playing around is no joke, but he's in deep now. I was cleaning my amazing crystal ball, nay, my shiny infinite crystal ball, when I saw this horrifying vision of the future... witness Cat Lord Swifty:
Apologies for the graininess... I think there's a shiny infinite crack or something.
Sunday, May 20, 2001
I called Swifty three days ago to give him pND-c0N info. He's fine, just a bit frazzled and taking a big break from online, most specifically AIM and blogging. He still checks email and posts (infrequently) to the nickd.list. He's busy getting real life matters sorted out. Don't pester him.
Rest assured that Swifty will be reported on even more in three weeks when he crashes my house for five days. :)
Sunday, May 20, 2001
Todd's Swifty-sighting stirred my memory, as just last week I had taken the Time Machine (sorry, Adam, I meant to tell you) to 17th Century France to try and score some hot French babes for my friend Justin. Anyway, the only chicks I found were disease ridden and had really ugly accents, so I was wandering around when I came to this really big mansion looking building. I had to sneak in the bushes a little, but I wandered inside and took this snapshot before the fussy guy in the robes on the left noticed me and tried to get me guillotined. Joke's on you, buddy, I took your necklace!
I didn't notice until I got back and had the film developed. I swear, those Eckerds guys act like they've never seen Moliere and Louis XIV before, or something.
Sunday, May 20, 2001
Holy moley, Adam! Okay, you know how I like to go to Pamplona, Spain sometimes to do my grocery shopping? Since that's the only place I can find Hostess Choco-Diles? Well, I totally forgot that today was the Running of the Bulls! I decided to take a few pictures. Then, when I got home, I checked FUN!, and I saw your post. Well, I just happened to be looking through my photos at the time. And, well...
That's him! I swear that's him in the back! I thought that guy looked familiar when I took the picture, but when I started to walk over to him, he was all "No moleste!" and he ran off. Then I got gored pretty bad, so I couldn't chase him.
There's no telling where he'll pop up next! Team FUN!, keep your eyes peeled!
It's been over a week since he has posted to his website. I, for one, have not seen him online in almost two weeks. This frightens me.
Ladies and gentlemen, Swifty is missing. He has either run away, or (God forbid) been kidnapped. I have put up a reward, as you can see, for his return. I want all of you to scour the globe, past, present, and future, in search of our beloved Swifty.
He was last seen wearing nothing clothes. He has long blonde hair. He answers to the name "Swifty". Find him. Please.
Thursday, May 17, 2001
A clarification, since so many people have been wondering what happened with that email I posted to my site yesterday.
My roommate saw this and (wrongly) thought I was an asshole. In fact, Rachael not only has lived in the dorm all year, across the hall from me (a fact my roommate is quite dim on), but we also happen to be good friends. That post was made after we happened to get into a rather extensive warn war, resulting in Rachael's AIM client to hit 100%.
No "Sabastian"s go to Northwestern University. as evidenced by a quick grep through the school's phone directory. Furthermore, no variants of the name "Sabastian" even remotely know me, much less despise me with a passion, calling me a "piece of shit." How eloquent. Even worse is the fact that no human being spells their name "Sabastian."
So I checked Google and came up with a trusty query on the return name. It seems that this David Gresky fellow happens to be on the baseball team, no? Seems like the culprit has been identified.
The worst - the absolute basest - thing is the fact that I instantly knew it had to be someone like my roommate, since he cold be the only one to refer to me as "Nick D." and then refer to me as "Mike" in the same email.
I love being an "anal prick."
On the upside, the character assassination has reached page 40! Woo!
Wednesday, May 16, 2001
Whoever keeps bugging my house needs to stop. Yeah ok, even I thought it was cute when you replayed a conversation I had with my urologist on the phone over the loudspeaker at school... but I'm sick of pulling little tape recorders out of my food. And parking in that big white van outside my house? How fucking original.
Monday, May 14, 2001
Friedrich Nietzsche: Now there's a man who loved his chocolate.
Ever wonder how a guy with such a morose and twistedly cynical world view got so fat? No, it wasn't the tension of living in a universe without God, it was the German Chocolate Cake.
...Ok, so maybe he wasnt exactly fat, per se, but he was decidedly chubby.
Sunday, May 13, 2001
What you all fail to realize is how horrible it is to recommend that someone you care about, who has brought you hours upon hours of mirth and whimsy, be slathered in any sort of toxic or explosive compound. For shame, Team FUN!! Is this the world you want your daughters growing up in?
As for Nietszche, my knowledge of the man is strictly limited to the rantings of Kevin Kline in A Fish Called Wanda.
Wait a minute. You all have daughters?! That's just weird! I mean, I knew about Judah's two little boys, and the Vietnamese orphans Peter supports, but man... I'm off to do some thinking.
Sunday, May 13, 2001
What you both fail to realize is that Neitzsche was only kidding. He was just a content and happy individual with a very very sick sense of humour.
Sunday, May 13, 2001
I think what Nick fails to acknowledge is Nietzsche's contributions, even creation of modern existentialism and, although pessimistic, how his questioning of commonly accepted doctrines of religious and cultural practice paved the way for most modern philsophies.
Erm... I mean, hey, what a jerk! "God is dead", my butt! That guy needs to take a Prozac and chill-out! You'd think living in 19th century Europe would have a more pleasant effect on a guy, but noooo; he's all "truth and lies" and "Christianity murdered God" - cry me a river, Mr. Smarty Pants.
PS. Why is my post the only one that's broken down there?
Sunday, May 13, 2001
I've come to the conclusion that the only substance that can - and should - be applied generously to Todd Johnson is either a serum containing pure Black Death or napalm. When lit on fire.
You see, Todd happens to be a fan, albeit an inadvertent fan, of Friedrich "Let's Kill Ourselves Because There Is Nothing To Live For" Neitzsche. This saddens and frightens me. The only good thing Neitzsche ever came up with - besides his institutionalizing (and, eventually, death-causing) insanity - was his concept of the "herd" and how it affects the individual, and even that is a stretch.
Is anyone else opposed to me setting Todd on fire for his insolence?
Friday, May 11, 2001
My gods kids, I go camping for two days and the whole site falls apart. Don't worry though, I will have it back to the old design as soon as possible.
Thursday, May 10, 2001
One banana, 25 pounds of nitroglycerin, three matches. Mix together and light. Creates one magically delicious banana-flavored explosion. (And a long jail sentence, too.)
Thursday, May 10, 2001
Three bananas. One can of whipped cream. Take the bananas, and peel them. For the love of god, peel them. Take remaining banana contents, and place them in to a bowl or in to Todd's hair, whichever's most convenient for you. Don't worry about Todd's hysterical screams. Just console him with the pros of banana as hair conditioner. Smoosh 'em good. Real good. Then, add the cream. Add as much as you want, just remember to brush your teeth afterwards, boys and girls! Mix. Place into one of those pie plate things. You know, where pies go. Best not served, but rather thrown into someone's face.
Tuesday, May 8, 2001
So our top-secret redesign plans have finally borne fruit. But Adam, the joke's on you. Allow me to explain.
The plan: Adam and I would get together and hash out a redesign.
Real life: I spent the whole time installing a font. All of the work was done by Adam.
The plan: We would implement the design.
Real life: Adam archives the page, creates all member bio pages. I send a couple of letters and ask him "How's It Going?" every hour, on the hour.
Yet we would be remiss if we ignored my contribution to this grand scheme. Without me constantly stroking his fragile ego, Adam would have given up long ago and gone for a good cry, and you'd still be looking at the ratty old blue design. Without me supervising and delegating responsibility, countless man-hours would have been wasted in duplicated efforts. Without me... but no, I dare not even think it. After all, I'm never going to get my comeuppance. You hear me? No comeuppance!
As for how to acquire this cream, I leave it to your imagination. (manical laughter, followed by short bursts of middle-school-era giggling oft heard in 7th grade health class emitted; several times paused to say the word cream and commence giggling again, sometimes interrupted again with the word ewww drawn out to some arbitrary length)
Or I guess you could look at a recipe, or something...
