I can smell the chemicals.

|Brought to you with love by Judah - She blinded me... with SCIENCE! |

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

|Brought to you with love by Adam - Hahahahahaha! |

Hey fellas/fellettes! Sorry to post again, but this had to be said; Adam is slowly evolving into a twelve year old girl. Matthew Flook, D.D.S. and I discussed it, and the following is our proof. Here of a list of all but two replies to me in a recent conversation;

hahahahahahaha! alright!
hahahaha.. nooooo!!!
hahahahahaha!
hahahahaha!
SHUT IT!
JEA JEA JEA!@
hahahahaha! explain
hahahahah!
hahahahahahaha! holy crap

That's right folks, I am worried. This is my first intervention, so I could use some help with what to do next.

|Brought to you with love by Jeff - Pumps plethoras of posts providing palliteration |

For God's sake, I need to know: Is limestone soft? Is is softer than, say, marble?

|Brought to you with love by Judah : Lone mantis of the Apocolypse |

Summer storms are FUN!

|Brought to you with love by Ariana - Not wet right now, mind you |

I am strung out. Someone tell me what in the hell I should study. Trig Identities? Geometry? Taylor Series? LaPlace Transforms? Surface Integrals? They all seemed so commonplace once, but ANYTHING I've done so far (and some number theory and abstract algebra they haven't tought me yet) is game on the Putnam tomorrow. 12 questions, six hours, the best Math students in the world competing for a scholarship to Harvard Graduate School. My mind is still shaky from the fever this week, my Linear Algebra midterm was a tough proposition (though I was justified in row reducing to find the LI Eigenvectors, despite not remembering quite why), and I am going to blank the damn thing.

|Brought to you with love by Judah - P-minus 8:40 |

Judah; Just because you rape and pillage small Vietnamese villages does not make you a true physicist. Although I hear that's how you met Alex.

Peter; I don't doubt you are the best mathemaist in the state of Carolina, but I would like to see a test taken to prove your abilities in statistics as they relate to a state no longer in the Rebel South.

Anyone not yet offended; Sorry, my efforts are less than stellar, but you will all eventually receive equally ignorant and irreverant tongue lashings in the future.

|Brought to you with love by Jeff - Hog-tied and indifferent of the stuggle |

As a neophytic Statistics student, I'd say this experiment falls more into an observational study classification than a true scientific experiment. No real laboratory guidelines were adhered to, no real placebo was established to base comparisons upon, etc. etc. This doesn't make it any less Fun, however. Downing packets of your favorite condiment en masse can be one of the most rewarding experiences in your teenage years. For a kick, try prepackaged mayonaise. Yummy!

With the rise of the Illustrious Nickd to power, it would appear that I have become public enemy #1 and the subject of His most deadly affection. My time is short, as my phone lines have not been the only outlets of communication to grow additional ears if-you-catch-my-drift, and I must constantly be on the run. Pray for my safety as I make a run for the Canadian border - and keep this information from your Dictator!

Oh, and I think I'll proclaim myself Official Team FUN! Kosher Foods Advisor. Alex, that Skittle you're about to eat is most definately not kosher.

|Brought to you with love by Peter - On the run |

However, it was a laudable effort, and you should be encouraged to continue doing empirical research in the hot sauce field.

|Brought to you with love by Judah - Time P-minus 21:27 |

C'mon stu, I mean come on. Any physics student would know that a lab experiment such as yours needs a proper application. Get to work! In fact, for full credit you should have two. Also, I believe it to be more proper to put your hypothesis in an "if...then..." statement. Nothing more FUN! yet, but this weekend sure as hell will be.

|Brought to you with love by Jeff - Physics is Phun! |

It's 11 o'clock on a weeknight and you know what that means - It's time for me to go to bed! Of course I'm kidding. Instead, tonight I'll provide you with a play-by-play of a Taco Bell hot sauce taste test, which I will conduct as I type.

Hypothesis: Flavor intensities will increase as prescribed by the packaging.

Observations:

Mild: I was able to down two whole packets of Mild in the duration of under ten seconds resulting in, at most, minor discomfort to the back of my tongue. Rinsing with Diet Coke is only slightly refreshing and not overwhelming.

Hot: Only slightly more "extreme" than mild, Hot features the addition of jalepeno peppers, which provided substantial texture and a more pleasing dining experience. Subsequent "burping up" of product causes me to cough.

Fire: The mere inhalation of the fumes of Fire results in a shudder. This sauce has the characteristic smoky taste of a red-hot grill iron. Fire slides down smooth and takes the top layer of tongue-skin with it.

Conclusion: My hypothesis was confirmed by my experiment. Furthermore, while none were overly spicy on their own, each sauce combined with the artificial sweetener-laden Diet Coke to burn three holes in my esophagus.

|Brought to you with love by Stuart - Burning up inside |

I replied with a simple "Yea, of course." and walked away from the conversation. I laughed a little and thought to myself, "Oh, if she only knew".

|Brought to you with love by Adam - Dancin' Machine |

Since I haven't received an award yet from anyone, I'd like to announce that I'm conferring an award upon myself.

Heil nickd: Team FUN! Dictator for Life.

From here forth, today shall be known as Day One of the Glorious Reign of nickd, Year Zero. All non-supporters of nickd shall be vanquished in a massive, sweeping, all-encompassing pogrom.

This means you, Peter Bourgon.

My covert operatives have been wiretapping your house for months. Plans - endless strings of elaborate plans - to overthrow our glorious Benevolent Chairman have been uncovered and brought into the public. Within five minutes, a large dispatch committee will be at your residence to... "dispatch" of you.

Oh, you are so dead.

|Brought to you with love by Nick - HEIL ... ME! |

Everybody else gets a pat on the back and the knowledge that they tried real hard.

|Brought to you with love by Alex - smooth as silk, baby. |

Thank you.

|Brought to you with love by Adam - Dumps like a truck truck tuck... |

I'd like to thank Judah for the honor, and return him with the male counterpart to my award. I hereby nominate Judah Nielsen the title of Unofficial Official Team FUN! Designated Cock for teasing and taunting those members who, due to sleep, are unable to defend themselves and whose friends are unwilling to do so.

|Brought to you with love by Stuart - Delighted to be with you |

Summer? You rotten Aussies! It's so damn cold here.

|Brought to you with love by Adam - Bitter and Cold |

So let it be written, so let it be done.

|Brought to you with love by Judah - Mr. Nomenclature |

Latly I have been asking numberous people if I could have been a Bangle. These are the excact words that I have been using- If I were around when The Bangles were popular, do you think that I could have made it into the group, and walked like an egyptian? I have gotten both negative, and positive feedback. More positive. So, I now believe that I could have been a Bangle, and walked like an Egyptian. I do not know what to do now. I feel like I should be out making a living dancing and..singing. What's a girl to do?

|Brought to you with love by Leah- a bangle in the making? |

Hello.

You may remember me.
I have a web site.
At least, I had a site until Peter "Sex Machine" Bourgon and Chad "No, I have no relation to the pieces of paper in the Florida recount" Warford decided to "0wn3z0r00l0rd3zx0rn0r3z" it last Wednesday. Now, it's time for rebuilding. :)

Speaking of Viagra, I walked into my computer lab at school (my old, ex- school) last Wednesday to find over half the people reading nickd.org. Now that's a cult of personality... I think!

|Brought to you with love by Nick - Pomme Fritz (Meat 'n Veg) |

Again. I'm. Sorry. About. Friday.

|Brought to you with love by Judah - Still a little tripped out. |

Today was certainly one of the more interesting days of my life. I got up and went to a nearby city with my friends (including our very own Stuart). Whilst driving by a car, we noticed it was full of three not very tempting women, and exchange a combination of nice and sexual hand gestures. Stu grabbed one of the all too many cameras in the back seat of the car and took their picture. Then they passed us, and we grabbed a different camera to take their picture with and creep them out more, except one girl took off her shirt and bra. So we passed them, and then they passed us again. This time the girl in the back took off off her pants and mooned us. Mind you, this was not an ass you wanted to be seeing. Oh, and they were very underaged and very drunk and currently drinking. Then, at 60 mph I got a piece of paper from one with a phone number on it, but only 5 digits of it, as the rest tore off in her hand.

After a while we returned to our hometown and went to play the trivia game at the local restaurant. I won the first game (of course). However, my player name is "Mesiah" due to a six letter maximun. When I won, the M.C. announced it and came to our table. He asked me why the name "Mesiah" and I repied "because I died for your sins". This disgusted pretty much all of the people eating in the entirely conservative community in which I live. He and I continued to joke about blaspheme, and I was nearly killed by all. It was honestly the worst conversation ever, but incredibly funny.

Finally, after seeing one of the absolute worst movies ever (Unbreakable) we went to a different, more white-trashy restaurant for some coffee. By now, Stu was at home, but the fun didn't stop. There was a fight in the restaurant and a guy was hit in the head with a coffee mug and left bleeding to get stiches. The oddest part was that nobody seemed to care or find it out of the ordinary. And that is why we will be going there every night from now on.

|Brought to you with love by Jeff - Weird shit just happens to us, and I must post it |

Judah, Judah, Judah. While I can appreciate your rank-pulling and story-yoinking (although you have to admit, the section wherein dotty stepped on a thorn was truly engrossing), I cannot appreciate your sudden dissapearance off the face of the earth. We were supposed to chill today, baby! Where'd you go? Is it the cologne, cause I can change...

|Brought to you with love by swifty: clouds tears in my coffee |

I'm pulling rank on you, Swifty, that story was way too long. I do hope you had a happy birthday though!

|Brought to you with love by Judah; Sorry Swifty |

Alright -- some of you have been caught red-handed trying to pose as me, and attempting to take some of the birthday-glory that is rightfully mine (as well as Friend Bear- and Dreamtank-glory as well; for SHAME!). As penance, I now present you with as much of "DOTTY DIMPLE AT HER GRANDMOTHER'S," will FIT in the Pitas.com entry window. It's a story by Sophie May [Rebecca Sophia Clarke], copyright 1867, and it's racist and has WAYYYY too much God in it. Enjoy, you birthday-thieving bastards.
[note: Removed 11/23 - 1200 PST; see note above]

|Brought to you with love by swifty: WRAAAAATH!!! WRAAATH!!! |

Alas, Alex, I am saddened to say that I am not, in fact, alive anymore. Let me share the story:

I was merrily strolling down my street-lane under azure skies of Carolina blue when a-suddenly the Earth shook mightily and fissures opened from the ground!

"Foul, foul chance, who would have me so unfortunate this day!" I cried in despair, as the Earth-cracks opened all around my person. "What-ever have I done to warrant this maltreatment?" At that, fire lept and climbed from the fissures, collapsing me to the ground! An organ sounded somewhere distant, and a voice echoed from the heavens!

"I am known by He who calls me I AM!" bellowed the voice, backed by atonal and gruesome chords of the organ-pipe. "And I come to charge you with a most sacred of tasks!"

"Please, O mighty One!" I pleaded, shuffling myself to my knees, "Let your wishes be known and leave me to my business!" The fire rushed to heights never before known, licking the sky with orange tongues. "What is it you would have done?"

"I charge you with the Holy task of... UPDATING THREE WEB LOGS A DAY!" The chords of pipe-organ grew even louder and a drum began to beat as my job was revealed.

"Nooooo! What have I done to warrant this most hideously time-consuming job?" I cried in vain to the heavens. My Thanks-giving Break from my studies flashed before my eyes, as if lost to the sands of Internet journalizing.

"YOUR INSOLENCE ENRAGES ME!" The voice boomed. "You will now be burdened with yet another... um..." With the voice's stuttering, the flames died down and the fissures began to close. Somewhere, I heard a bird chirp. "ANOTHER BURDEN!" it screamed suddenly, the fissures screaming open from the Earth-ground and the fire leaping and jumping higher than ever before. "You shall be known henceforward as PETER... THE UNDEAD!" A zombie-kin emerged from the flames, and quite without a commotion bit me upon my neck! Before I could refresh myself from this most hideous defacement, the fissures closed, fires died, and music evaporated. I was left on the corner of my street-lane, the walking undead and charged with a most terrible burden for the remainder of my break.

Foul, foul fortune.

|Brought to you with love by Peter - Walking Undead |

nofun.pitas.com: we're watching you.

|Brought to you with love by Alex - Yes, I started World War II. I'm sorry. |

Happy birthday!

|Brought to you with love by Leah- i have a scratch on my face and it itches. |

Do you remember that girl we were talking about... nay, freaking out about? Yea... well... she's 17! (Insert grin here).

|Brought to you with love by Adam - learning how to clone pretty girls |

Oh my god, Jeff! I was born on November 20th too! Like nobody else of Team FUN! I'm sure. Especially not Swifty. Yes, I, Alexandra Kleeman, creator of Dreamtank and abuser of commas, was born on this day 19 years ago. Some other things you may not know about me: I listen to Juno, Mogwai, Elliott Smith, Bis, etc and am turned on by Girls with glasses, haikus, Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo. Don't ask about the girls with glasses thing. Anyway, I'm sure you're all wishing me a happy bithday right now, so I'll let you get back to sending me presents. , , , , .

|Brought to you with love by Alex - Is Peter alive? |

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWIFTY!!! WE LOVE YOU [acknowledgement of Jeff DeWitt goes here]

|Brought to you with love by Nick - Mike DePilla is a bitch :( |

Well I love this day, the twentieth of November. It is so great, being my birthday and all, and no other person on Team Fun!'s birthday. It is so amazing that I am the only person in this great country of ours (not Leah's) to have a birthday on this date. To celebrate this event of all events, you may shower me with gifts of Frankenberries and Myrr.

|Brought to you with love by Jeff - Creator of the Friend Bear comic strip |

(note: I'm still waiting for a reply from the various directors I tried to submit this script to. I'm thinking Jackie Chan as the soft taco, what do you think?)

|Brought to you with love by Alex - that was not funny. am i ever funny? |

I have just come to the conclusion that I have the best away messages ever. Some people disagree, but I know that they are just stupid. An example would be...

sha la la la
warm air is going on my hair
sha la la la
to make it dryyy-e---iiiiiii!
------------
Now here is Adam's away message-
I am away from my computer right now.
-------
I am the best. Hands down.

|Brought to you with love by Leah- I'm a little teapot |

When not writing my current event, I would be continuously annoying the living crap out of my good friend Miguel who is sitting next to me right now writing his current event. He told me today that I'm the weirdest guy he's ever met, and I can't quite figure out if that's a good thing or not. Miguel is a black belt in tae kwan do. Which means that if I keep bugging him, I've signed up for a royal ass beating. I better stop.

|Brought to you with love by Adam - Will get beat up |

i'm sure everyone here knows about the wonder that is www.amihotornot.com -- people post their pictures, others rate their looks.

here's the real question: am I hot or not?

notice that my rating is phenomenally high for someone who, technically, is a man. i am almost giddy with glee. this is just friggin hilarious.

for more info see dreamtank; i've posted a list there of girls that, for some incomprehensible reason, i am hotter than. boys -- who understands them, huh??

|Brought to you with love by swifty: 2.7% less than bo derek |

God damn, he is the master!

|Brought to you with love by Judah - Can't go nowhere, though I'm jumping. |

Well, I finally had enough fun today to post. Today the air temperature was 34 degrees, the water temperature was about 45, the waves were up, and I went into Lake Michigan. I may not post for a while, as pnuemonia is sure to set in soon. But before I die, I must inform the world about something called lpecac syrup. The instructions read: "In case of emergency, use to induce vomitting." That's right folks, a teaspoon of this will clean your system right out. But more importantly, other's systems. I don't know how it tastes, but I can only assume that you could slide it into other people's drinks.

|Brought to you with love by Jeff - I'd like to see that jump out of a cake |

I am posting because I miss you all terribly. I want my computer back. I don't want to have to be posting from work. Although it is pretty cool that I can post from work.

Anyway, I love you all. And love is the most FUN! thing of all.

|Brought to you with love by Todd - woefully underupdated |

SPACE GHOST: Neils Bohr gets me.

|Brought to you with love by Judah - Also gets him. |

1) Remember me? I sure don't!
2) I'm half Mafia, half Communist. Does that make me anything? It sure doesn't! YAY FOR MISCELLANEOUS FREAKS!
3) I like using numbers to illustrate my points.
4) I have most undoubtedly not have been having fun these past months as work at college is slowly and methodically driving me insane.
4) I coined a new word at my site and nobody noticed :(
5) I used 4 twice
6) This is really the seventh point I'm making
8) Stop reading this and go read all 1,168 pages of Atlas Shrugged. Now. It's your sole god, and that book is against enslavement, so Alex would, under the hilariously tragic plot of said book, be exiled to live in misery while all the smart people ran off and started a utopia in the mountains, leaving her to starve to death. Sad, but true.
9) This is the ninth tenth number I am using

|Brought to you with love by Nick - YES, I AM FEELING EROTIC! |

And call me "massa."

|Brought to you with love by Alex - with karate I'll kick your ass. |

See that it doesn't happen again.

|Brought to you with love by Judah - make up your own damn tag line. |

Surely he and I must be different, because I am an administrator of Team FUN!, and he a mere writer. QED.

|Brought to you with love by Judah - No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women, no FUN!, no sin, no you, no wonder it's dark. |

All this talk of minorities brings up the obvoius question:
AM I, TOO, A MINORITY?
After all, if we're suing the pants off somebody, I am SO there.

So, let's look at my racial breakdown, shall we?

50%: American
I can say this with total conviction. I'm 16th-generation American, boys and girls. My ancestors owned half of New Jersey, but had to give it up when they -- get this -- sided with the British in the Revolutionary War. I COULD OWN ALL OF YOU! And I don't. Dammit.

25%: Irish
I don't know why this is in my genetic makeup at all; I don't have red hair, I've never seen a shillelagh, and I am most definitely not a leprechaun. However, I do like potatoes, and I do ask women if they'd like a little Irish in them whenever I go to bars to pick up chicks. (muffled wet snorts of glee)

??%: Belgian
My waffle side.

??%: Slovakian
In case you weren't aware, the fine nation of Slovakia is now exactly one-half of the country "Chezchoslovakia," much like the Captain is to Tenille, or peanut butter is to fluff, or I am to Janeane Garofalo. (She'll figure it out someday.) Its major export is WHOOP-ASS, and don't you forget it.

??%: Russian
This is that tiny sliver of "Dirty God-Hating Communist" in my bloodstream that is directly responsible for "Bad Bear Bitch." If I'm ever an alcoholic, a used car salesman, or Bob Saget, this is why.

??%: Native American
Responsible for my sexy, honey-colored complexion. Native Americans are the best lovers, baby. You wanna poke my hontas? Civilize my tribe? You know where to find me. You've got a reservation at my reservation with no reservations.

So what say you? Do I get minority status? Can I be a proud part of this team? OR, GOD FORBID, DO I HAVE TO BE LUMPED IN WITH NICKD AGAIN?

|Brought to you with love by Swifty: Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so... |

Tomorrow: a post on the benefits of slavery.

|Brought to you with love by Alex - classically trained to rock your frikin' socks off |

I think the internet is breaking...

|Brought to you with love by Adam - Scared Shitless |

Leah: don't blame me if our new administrators are corrupt and naughty. I voted for Jeff DeWitt. And Ralph Nader.

|Brought to you with love by Alex - funky days are back again. |

And don't even think about asking for a recount, because we don't do that dance!

|Brought to you with love by Adam - Starting second term as Team FUN! Admin |

I feel jipped.

|Brought to you with love by Leah- the jipee of the jippers. |

Thanks to everyone who turned out to vote!

|Brought to you with love by Judah - Proud holder of the nation's top office |

You know what's fun? Wearing you're cookie monster slippers to school, and pink pants. That's right. It's pajama day!

|Brought to you with love by Leah- ......uh huh. |

In case you all missed it like me, FB put out an album this summer, mine is on order, get it at war records. Also read that he's working with Joey Santiago again (and Eric Drew Feldman, though if you read Bad Wicked World the one week it was up you would have read that I saw the two together in March), and that a new album is coming out in JANUARY! Kickass. KickASS.

|Brought to you with love by Judah - following the trends cause I wanna have some friends |

Let me be the first to wish Dr. Judah a happy birthday. Although, I was under the impression that Judah's birthday should be celebrated on the 25th of December like the last 2000 of our Lord's years. I would also like to address to Judah that Frank Black is coming to a venue near you soon, along with everyone else that I would still care to see in concert.

Also, this entire weekend of mine revolved around a single goal to find a place and sing karaoke. Mind you I have the WORST voice ever, but no dignity or shame, so it evens out. Even though I never made it to kararoke this weekend, I did see a live band called the Talesman perform classic rock and blues covers at a bowling alley, ending in a Pink Floyd medley of The Wall and Dark Side of the Moon.

|Brought to you with love by Jeff - Now $5 richer thanks to Nickd |

I also predict Gore should win because Bush is a dumbass.

|Brought to you with love by Madame Ariana - Fire walks with me.. aren't you impressed? |

Ariana, if you're in my future, do the sharks win tonight?

|Brought to you with love by Judah - Proud owner of a CD my Major League Baseball's greatest musician/athletes |

Nothing happened, so all is good, I guess. I'm keeping an eye on the news in case any word of the gun like noise on the bus pops up. What a FUN! time.

|Brought to you with love by Ariana - Victim, Survivor, Hero |

I'm so smart.

|Brought to you with love by Adam - E = MC ^{I kick ass} |

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