Monday, November 19, 2001
Justin, as much as I'd love to explain what it means, in the broader sense, for you to enjoy wearing sweatpants formerly belonging to your wife (whose legal status is somewhat dubious, given your Team FUN! contract), I'm afraid the image has traumatized me to the point of incoherence.
Sunday, November 18, 2001
What does it mean if I suddenly enjoy wearing womens' sort-of-tight-yet-loose sweatpants? More importantly, what does it mean if I fit comfortably into a pair of womens' sort-of-tight-yet-loose sweatpants?
Friday, November 16, 2001
Nick, do you think that is bad? My roommate plays the same six shitty songs in a row day in and day out. Most are more or less by Nelly. He even listens to them while watching television. Two media at once! Can anyone beat that?
Friday, November 16, 2001
Nick, do you think that is bad? My roommate plays the same six shitty songs in a row day in and day out. Most are more or less by Nelly. He even listens to them while watching television. Two media at once! Can anyone beat that?
Monday, November 12, 2001
Though I think it would be funny to declare this National Team FUN! Posting week or whatever and then not post, I shall pay my dues anyway. You know since there is this giant scare about flying and the like after the recent events? Wouldn't you think that I could get a decent price on a plane ticket to go out to Portland? I would have thought so, but I am coming up empty. So, I shall delegate my powers to others. The person coming up with the cheapest rate from Grand Rapids, MI to Portland, OR and e-mails it to me at jeff@forcegravity.com shall receive a hand chosen prize! I promise, a prize! Perhaps even a grab bag of prizes. I have a pink slap bracelet and unlimitted amounts of money!
Monday, November 12, 2001
Todd, I am officially hiring you as my personal assistant. However, you have violated the dress code and I am writing you up.
Also, I think it is really nice that the University of Central Florida is celebrating the beginning of International Team FUN! Start Posting Regularly Again Week by giving it's students a day off. Kudos UCF, kudos.
Sunday, November 11, 2001
I think the ages on the "Meet Team FUN!" page need to be updated. Isn't Stuart, like, 30 now? And hasn't Jeff joined AARP? And aren't I approximately 19.8 years old, and in fact not exactly 19? This all saddens me. In light of the egregious mis-management of this web site, I have lost the will to live.
You'd figure that I'd learn the next day to come in to work at the proper time by accidentally coming in an hour early the day before, but no. I arrived an hour late, because my mind was so irrevocably miswired that I abandoned the ability to consider my work schedule with any kind of proper organization. I have since been written up.
In conjunction with Team FUN! Members Begin Posting Again Week, I would like to propose Team FUN! Members Get Written Up At Their Jobs Week. Who's with me!?
Tuesday, November 6, 2001
Officially, no. Your post is "writer", and so you don't have the authority to create theme weeks.
However, on your personal authority as a Southern Belle... well, things get hazy. I suggest to other Team FUN! members that they just toe the line. Things could get ugly if you cross Miss Scarlet there.
Tuesday, November 6, 2001
As a Southern Belle, I do declare next week, the week of November 11-18, "International Team FUN! Start Posting Regularly Again Week." So don't ask questions and hop on the bandwagon, it is time for some mass genocide!...damn, I meant posting! POSTING!
Friday, November 2, 2001
On location at Stu's dorm room, I am using my one time travel usage to post a HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY STU!!!!!! message. Hey Stu, have fun buying porn and cigarettes!
Friday, October 26, 2001
Saiban Daisukai: get me on Team Fun
justinblaix: i can't, they aren't accepting new members
Saiban Daisukai: son of a bitch
Saiban Daisukai: but Nickd's zit gets on eh?
Saiban Daisukai: Discrimination
Wednesday, October 24, 2001
I'd like to introduce another member to Team FUN!'s illustrious staff.
Introducing: nickd's new zit, Simon! Simon, wave hi to everyone!
(huge zit on nickd's nose, herafter named Simon, waves hi to everyone)
Now do a dance, Simon!
(Simon gets up and does a jig)
Simon will be here to post with everyone over the course of the next three days while he wreaks bloody murder all over nickd's face. Isn't it great how nickd's grievous misfortune is always at your gain?
Monday, October 15, 2001
Well, I did die, or so I assume because seeing Travis perform in the Michigan Theatre was just heaven! Follow that up with the U of M homecoming game vs. Purdue in the Big House, and my weekend was perfect.
Sunday, October 14, 2001
I would like to rise from beyond the grave - again - to inform the clientele of this web site of the following important fact:
Friday, October 5, 2001
Althought Adam is not so fond of showing his genitals, I found someone today - quite by accident, I assure you - who, sadly, was. There was another poster sale going on in the "yard" behind Johnstone, and I had a few minutes so I was flipping through them. Betwixt Bruce Lee and The Godfather, there was this black and white poster of Keanu Reeves on the beach. Toweling off.
But, you see, the towel was in the wrong place, and by gods there was no fabric to be seen 'tween the camera and that horrible, horrible place.
Monday, October 1, 2001
Also, Adam, I have your reproductive organs. I checked around, and it seems you don't need them back, so I also took three packages of Ramen Noodles, which I will return at the price of three million lire.
Friday, September 28, 2001
Work began with classes last Monday. I work in a computer lab. I get paid to fix paper jams and do homework. So far, there have been no paper jams.
I'm at work right now, but the door is locked, and I can't open it, so I'm typing this in another adjacent computer lab. I doubt they really care, since it's approaching closing time anyway. The door is locked, and it's not like anyone is going to come in and steal a bunch of P3-600 machines.
Have you ever noticed how people will be kept in the dark on an obnoxiously important issue because nobody else wants to claim responsibility for having divulged any information related to it? Yeah, I hate that.
Adam: I have your cat. If you want it back, leave a million dollars under the big suspended net in the park.
Saturday, September 22, 2001
You guys obviously haven't seen the updated contract. To be a member of Team FUN!, it is actually a requirement to be married to Judah Nielsen. Don't worry, though, Adam took care of the whole thing with a mass ceremony late last month.
Friday, September 21, 2001
No, I'm sorry Jeff. I edited double checked the contract and it clearly states that it is a violation to "be married to Judah Nielsen." Something about conflicts of interest.
Thursday, September 20, 2001
You know, nowhere in the Team FUN! contract does it say that members aren't allowed to post...
That was a hint. You know who you are.
This morning, I dropped a pencil on the floor of the Science Wing in my high school. I reached down and picked it up, but then I reailzed my hand was covered in HUMAN HAIR! HAIR OF ALL COLORS AND TEXTURES AND LENGTHS. Oh, the horror.
On the bright side, I can probably clone everyone in my school now using the DNA from their own hair. I'll raise all the clones to worship me, then slowly being replacing the "normal" students with the clones.
I'm not sure what that will accomplish, but it should kill some time.
Sunday, September 16, 2001
Thanks, Adam! Sorry I had to tell you all that cockamamie story about my cable modem, but I felt it was best in light of the real circumstances surrounding my disappearance.
Anyway, Anne and I are doing great, and we'd like to thank everyone for all of the wonderful wedding gifts they sent. Anne does wish Ellen had attended the service, or at least RSVP'ed, just for closure's sake. But married life has done wonders for me... and for her as well, no matter what you may have seen on TV. And everyone's invited over next weekend for a housewarming barbecue! Please bring your own Ecstacy and paper plates.
Wednesday, September 12, 2001
I used to think headphones were like my own little fortress of solitude, until one day, when I was wearing them, a foreign woman with a guitar tapped me on the shoulder. She wanted to play a tune and see if I 'recognized it'.
Wednesday, September 12, 2001
So I learned something FUN! today dealing with headphones. I apparently think nobody can see me when I wear them. Today I just started dandcing to the Black Crowes in the middle of campus not realizing anybody would notice. I got some pretty odd looks, but I was having fun. That must be how Adam always feels.
Monday, September 10, 2001
I wish I could change the font to make a giant Happy Birthday greeting to myself like Adam. Therefore, I delegate my powers to anyone else.
Saturday, September 8, 2001
Yes, I was dead, but I was brought back to life through events too outrageous to tell on this site, so we will forego them at the moment. We'll just leave it that it involved a lot of bondage gear.
...Perhaps that was saying way too much. ONWARD!
I go back to Northwestern tomorrow, and this is the very last post I make on any web site of any kind before I leave for Evanston. This should make you all feel special, but it probably doesn't. This is because I am in fact an incredibly boring and uninteresting person who constantly deludes himself into the incredibly unfounded belief that he is indeed "special" in the non-short-bus way.
...Like my former roommate! I wonder if I'll ever see him again. I should start a pool on my site as to when he'll drop out of my third-tier university.
Anyway, I have to go now. My home planet needs me.
Thursday, September 6, 2001
Yeah, damn right I'm offended. Why aren't more of you sloppily Photoshopping pictures of my face into other, unrelated pictures again? Nick already did one for you!
Wednesday, September 5, 2001
Why is it that after Nickd dies, we all start posting, but Swifty dies, and nobody dares? I think one of you should be taking offense.
Friday, August 31, 2001
Well, in case any of you are thinking about it, forget it. I didn't shoot Nick.
Sure, I'll admit to drinking a few that night. I'd been left by my best girl mere hours earlier for another man - a weightlifter from Toledo - so I was downing shots of whiskey sour like Axis planes back in the war. And so what if I was packing heat? It's a mean city, and I don't stick to the reputable parts of it.
What I'm trying to say is that I may have shot the sherriff, but I did not shoot our friend NickD.
Thursday, August 30, 2001
Well, we learn something every day. Today, for example, I learned that I cannot leave the internet for 36 hours and trust Adam to keep Team FUN! sane. Tomorrow, I suspect Peter will learn that when I asked him to be my second, I did not mean I wanted to fight a duel with him. Rather, I asked him to perform a ceremonial role which involves setting the location for the duel, assuring that I act honorably, and, finally, fighting in my place if I fail to show.
1. No, I will not meet this Josh character. The last time I went into an Abercrombie and Fitch store, the music seeped into my brain and I was comatose for a week thereafter. Plus all those places smell really bad. Oh, and there's the thing about it being pretentious overpriced rich-white-kid clothes, as well.
2. Yes, I will gladly be your next dueling partner, Judah, if I get to choose the weapons. My preference? I will be choosing from a large selection of automatic assault rifles, such as the AR-TAC Bullpup 5.56mm rifle, the Colt M4A1 Carbine, and the Steyr AUG. You may choose from a pile of breakfast cereals.
3. I'm pretty sure Nick's not dead. It's just like him to send body doubles into hails of gunfire to throw everyone for a loop.
Wednesday, August 29, 2001
My diagnosis: this patient is already dead. There is nothing more we can do for him. We should draw a humorous moustache on his face, it is what he would've wanted.
(opens huge pencil/pen case)
Nurse, give me the black sharpie, please. It's under the pokemon-print bic and the scalpel.
Wednesday, August 29, 2001
(jumps in window, notes broken glass, avoids with grace)
Word up, homies!
(flashes gang sign incorrectly)
(is gunned down in a massive, apocalyptic hail of AK-47 bullets)
Ack...
(tries, unsuccessfully, to stave the flow of blood pouring out of the 149 bullet holes in his body)
(crawls in futile attempt to continue existing, leaving a wide swath of type O positive blood on the linoleum tile floor)
Tell...Laura...I...love...her
[repeated defibrilator attempts by Neil prove serendipitously unsuccessful]
(just farking dies all over the place)
Wednesday, August 29, 2001
Wait, did this "emercency surgery" involve forcefully reinserting yourself into someone's heart? Because frankly, I'd like to hear how it went...exactly what led to this malpractice hearing? Can I get a second opinion?
I knew I should have gotten the better health plan.
Wednesday, August 29, 2001
I'm Alex, back to forcefully reinsert myself into your hearts. So, please, push aside that pesky love for cute baby animals, your mother, and (perhaps most importantly) things that are not me. For I have returned, and you shall have no other lord. You hear me? NO OTHER LORD.
...so.
Interesting story, the other day I was performing emergency surgery with a selection of ballpoint pens when...oh, I'll save that story for next time. Or my malpractice hearing.
You have recently implied that I do not understand sports. I hereby challenge you to a duel, to the death. Ordinarily, I would let you select the weapon, however, as you are well known to be equally inept in all forms of armed combat, I have pulled "sabers" out of a hat. I stand at your convenience.
lord knows the family dynamics have been shaken up a bit.. but really : floyd! do you not know your own parental units? do you not know the ovulating warmth that IS judah nielsen, do you not know the red meat grilling wrath the ENCOMPASSES adam zavala?
Monday, August 27, 2001
Aww.... honey, Mommy and Daddy don't fight because they hate each other, they fight because they stopped loving you. Now go on up to your room and get naked for the webcam again.
Monday, August 27, 2001
Why do mommy Judah and daddy Adam fight so? It makes me cry, and then I run to my room and read my Capt. Amazing comics, while a single tear runs down my cheek...
p.s. - i'm home from San Francisco! I had fun! I'm not dead! Yeah!
Monday, August 27, 2001
It is almost 4 in the a.m. and people are still screaming and being towed and getting MIP's in the parking lot. Is there no end to this madness? Only if everyone had west coast friends that are 3 hours behind. Then, everyone would be on the computer instead of getting plastered.
P.S. Confidential to Peter: Look up a kid named Josh at your local Clemson Abercrombie and Fitch. I swear to you, he is a very nice guy.
Sunday, August 26, 2001
I swear, if I didn't get on his case, he'd just sit around playing that pathetic Java strip poker game. It would be less pathetic if he could ever remember that you need two pairs to break even, but as it is, he never even gets to see underwear.
Sunday, August 26, 2001
Where have all the entries gone? (hint: rhymes with "shmarchive")
Hello, World! After constant nagging from my wife, Judah, I did a little bit of house cleaning around here.... RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING GAME!!!.
