So, all in all- I am really looking forward to seeing the new version or whatever the heck it is. Because I know that it will be loads of FUN! Wooooooshbam!

|Brought to you with love by Leah- one screwed up girl |

Still confused? Let me clue you in. This is FUN!, a site devoted to fun crazy web-wackiness. This is not a site for crazy internet perverts who wish to view obscene photos of 14 year old girls. Sure, we have a couple of pretty 14 year-old girls on the staff, but they got the jobs on their own merits, not for any kind of teen xxx action that may (or may not) exist. What Alex and Leah choose to do with their free time, a camera, a hot tub, and an assortment of more adult toys is entirely their own business. Don't come looking for any of that at FUN!, or I'll pretty much tear you a third corn-chute.

|Brought to you with love by Judah - Blackjack on Standby |

There's no way in hell Swifty is prettier than me. But maybe that's just because none of you have seen me in a really flattering dress.

I found this cool site today which inspired me to make my own Dogma t-shirt, which will have the poster on the back and Jay's quote "It's like I'm Han Solo, you're Chewie, and we're in that fucked-up bar!" on the front.

Speaking of which, can any of the powers that be tell me what font the FUN! logo is in so I can also make a FUN! t-shirt to really confuse people?

|Brought to you with love by Todd - One of these days, I'll set those monkeys loose. Just you watch. |

Ta-da. 3 cheers for me!

|Brought to you with love by Leah- the ruler of guitar |

By the way, Swifty: Leah and I both agree you're prettier than us. Those eyes, that smile...yowza!

|Brought to you with love by Alex - Don't leave me highhhh...don't leave me dryyyyy... |

I'm scared. I know I'm sessy and all.. but come on. Non of that! Alex is scared too. She didn't tell me so, but I know that she is.

|Brought to you with love by Leah- the scared chicken |

Team FUN! - Entertaining Pedophiles Everywhere!

|Brought to you with love by Adam - Super Administrative Powers |

Other things that are FUN!, putting off a public speaking assignment you've known was due for weeks until the ten minute break before the class, and still acing your speech, getting every single point. My ROTC days helped me no end, because if you can command a bunch of snot-nosed freshmen and get them to perform a column-left from a halt in front of the 12th Marine Corps District inspection, you can damned well give a speech on "A Turning Point in my Life".

|Brought to you with love by Judah - College Rules. God I crack me up. |

I recently took a trip to a college campus in order to determine if it was the best place for me to be in one short year. O, my brothers, I come to tell you to stay away from these places at all costs! The Devil himself sends part of his eternally damned soul into every building and tree at these God-forsaken places, and I was lucky to make it out alive.

Upon arrival, I was greeted by the chilly mountain wind and a light rain - what tools of trickery, I soon discovered! to have the weather cold and uncomfortable in a place so forever damned! The Devil works in mysterious ways. There were children of all denominations frolicking about in their demon-rituals, and I saw not one, not two, but three seperate slaughterings of pig and goat in my travels. Runes of a hundred feet in a pentagram formation dotted a main grass area, where hooded neophytes chanted in tounges and called fire from the underworld!

Cathedrals in Gothic form littered the landscape, their stony structures crumbling beneath their inverted-cross tops and sending plumes of smoke across barren, wasted fields. The Children of the Demons cackled whenever I walked past, their fire-red eyes burning into my own and wishing terrible things to my person and my soul!

Friends! Brothers and Sisters! I beg of you, I warn you, do not under any circumstances go to one of these accursed places! The Devil himself will be your professor, and your peers his sons and daughters. Beware, I prithee, beware!

Oh, and welcome, Leah. Where are those pictures?

|Brought to you with love by Peter - Now Comes in Kiwi Lime |

Hey, I got green snakeskin pants today. I really did.

|Brought to you with love by Leah- the girl with snakeskin pants |

Welcome!

|Brought to you with love by Judah - Father of the Bride |

One group has control
The other will break away.
They are equals.

The big guys were wrong.
Their errors must be explained,
So here goes nothing!

Poor America!
Their rights were violated.
A happy, free life.

To protect these rights,
People create governments.
Happy and safe now!

When governments fail,
We alter or abolish.
Then it is better.

Of course, there is more.
Maybe I'll finish later.
I really doubt it.

|Brought to you with love by Stuart - Waxing poetic |

So did anyone in 'Bring It On' have a Poo Stick or a Vibrating Boot?

I saw Almost Famous this evening, which made me return home, light candles, and listen to The Who's Tommy.

And now my digital cable's music-only station is running something called Martini Hour, which means scads of loveliness. Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Prima...oh me oh my.

Hey Alex, I'll take you up on that offer. :)

|Brought to you with love by Todd - Can I get a witness? |

Saturday, September 23, 2000

I've taken so many pictures today, mostly as a result of winning stuff from thirtyfour.org. This has led me to an exciting revelation: Writing stuff on your face is oh-so fun. Look at this photo:

Wasn't that fun? Wouldn't you like YOUR website's address written somewhere on my face? E-mail me and I will. No geocities pages, please. I don't think I have that much room.

|Brought to you with love by Alex - Rockin' Your Socks...Daily. |

Well, last night I saw "Bring It On", and let me tell you it was the GREATEST MOVIE EVER! Not only is it "the greatest coming of age story since Clueless," it is so much more. Filled with ethnic rivalries and obscure misinformed Clash references, this knocked Dead Poets Society, Magnolia, and several other movies out of the top spots in my list. My favorite part was anytime anyone opened their mouths, it was bound to be hilarious. Whether it was coming from Rob Lowe's unrelated twin, or one of the several perky anorexic cases, it was all beyond what I could have expected. In case you are wondering what the movie is really like, it is and hour and forty minutes of an Upright Citizens Brigade sketch, including in the movie one of the UCB cast members.

|Brought to you with love by Jeff - Best $4.75 I have ever spent |

as long as the universe is working night and day to find a college for Jeff, i would really appreciate it if you [you being the universe] would also find a school for me. if that doesn't work out, feel free to let me know if you have alternative plans for me. why should i decide my future, when you can?

|Brought to you with love by meg - still in the midst of nervous breakdown. |

You know, as funny as the word 'underpants' is, the word 'pants' can be just as funny.

Sorry, there is no 'acceptable substitute' for TMBG. Blasphemer. Onya for Clockwork and Holy Grail, though.

Recent FABulous! additions to my DVD collection: The aforementioned Magnolia, Boogie Nights, Evil Dead 2 (lucky Swifty), This Is Spinal Tap, and Cowboy Bebop Session 5. Like anyone cares.

|Brought to you with love by Todd - who WOULD watch non-Olympic badminton if it were being played by a kid wearing a 1930's bathing suit. |

Summary: Being weird is good. Embrace it. Live it. I sure do.

|Brought to you with love by Alex - Underpants! Hey, it IS fun! |

First, I concur with Todd's tamed cunt that Magnolia is one of the greatest movies ever, along with A Clockwork Orange, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Second, I did go into circuit city and walk out with Guided By Voices (an acceptable substitute for TMBG), Steve Earle, and Frank Black.

Thirdliest, who cares about the Olympics? Would you watch badminton, or some kid in a 1930's bathing suit swim in a pool on TV on a Saturday afternoon if not for the Olympics? I would hope not.

Finallier, I feel that the word, "fabulous" is not spoken enough between heterosexual males (sorry, this excludes anyone from Des Moines, Iowa). Help me in the crusade to get our favorite words back. Thank you for your time.

|Brought to you with love by Jeff - Like I wasn't serious about that college thing? |

Know what's funny? The word underpants. Say it with me one time. Underpants. Underpants underpants underpants. Hee hee hee.

In a completely unrelated anecdote, I went to take a shower in the dorm bathrooms today and forgot a towel. So I had to wipe myself dry with a pair of -- you guessed it --underpants. Not my finest moment.

How the hell could I forget my towel? I blame it on the Russians.

|Brought to you with love by swifty: funtasmigorical |

So now I'm the keeper of Biblical references, eh? Let's see...

"And on the eleventh day, the Lord created eclectic tastes in music, and saw that they were good. And 'lo', the Lord said, 'where are my David Bowie imports?'"

Anyway, you didn't buy any They Might Be Giants or Esquivel, so you're not God yet. But the ballots aren't closed yet.

Anyone who doesn't love the film Magnolia does not deserve to occupy the same room as me. That may seem like a rather harsh stand to take, but only if you haven't seen the movie.

|Brought to you with love by Todd - slowly melting |

I have a simple request to all the team FUN! members. FIND ME A COLLEGE!@#!. I am sorry for shouting like that, Tina, Ike just sometimes gets out of hand. Anyway, I need to choose a college, or combination of several colleges to apply to and maybe even attend. I like warm weather or somewhere on the ocean, or both, or neither. You can see my difficulty, especially because I don't know what to study. So, any pointers on a particular major at that school would be helpfull as well. And Nick, I wouldn't be able to get into Northwestern, so shut your dirty mouth and don't call me that.

On a lighter note, I bought perhaps the greatest group of c.d.'s this weekend. I went into circuit city and came out with "My Aim Is True", by Elvis Costello, Jimmy Page and the Black Crowes new live album, 63.20 minutes of Beethoven's ninth, and the Dead Milkmen's Greatest Hits. I believe this makes me God (Todd, insert biblical reference here).

|Brought to you with love by Jeff - Searchin' for a pot of gold.... or at least a college |

People, the plants can hear you! Stop bad mouthing plants!

|Brought to you with love by Judah - Still accepting entries. |

Adam called me weird the other day. He said, "Matt, you're weird. Not 'funny weird' like me - just 'weird weird'." This caught me off guard because I strive to be as calm and normal as possible at all times. Maybe my "normal-ness" is slowly morphing into pure weirdness. Dammit, am I merely some sort of weirdo???

One of my recurring topics will be brought up again tonight: Driving insanely fast. Only this time, I will be discussing the theory of the "Unspoken Race Rule". I know this rule applies to all of my driving friends and I assume it applies to many other teenage-g-force crazed drivers out there.

My theory goes like this: If you and one of your friends are driving to the same destination in two or more separate cars, THE RACE IS ON! Whether or not anyone declares it, the drivers both know that they must out-maneuver and out-haul-ass the opposing driver in order to reach the finishing point before the other.

Increasing the volume of a fast, hard-rocking song and losing all senses of reason and logic certainly help to propel you ahead of the other driver in your "friendly" race. Go out there and kick some ass while avoiding cops. You know you want to.

|Brought to you with love by Matt - I'm a racing weirdo |

So, I'm positioned as to where I am looking at the drive thru at 90 degrees. Only about 3 bites into my burrito I see the front of this black car poke just into my line of sight. Upon further research, I soon found that on the top of the windshield of named car, in Comic Sans font, were the words "Big Pimpin'". Now, why anybody would go to a car detail shop and ask for text decals to spell out "Big Pimpin'" is beyond me. I guess I just don't understand rap music and the culture that goes along with it when you're from the suburbs. However, the humor of the situation sky rocketed when the car pulled forward more only to reveal the driver of the vehicle to be this big dumb, ghetto fabulous, pretty fly for a white guy, oaf! My god, I spit my beans out of my mouth and laughed out loud. Alanya joined me in my laughter after I showed her what I was laughing at. The young lady in the passenger seat of the Big Pimpin'-mobile looked at me with confusion as if she couldn't have figured out why I was laughing at the car she was in. I mean, really.. "Big Pimpin'"? How on earth do you expect anybody to take you seriously when you do such a thing to your car? Furthermore, the gentleman who was driving had taken the liberty to put a large number of "95.5" stickers all over his car (95.5 is the local rap radio station [run by "pretty fly for a white guy" wannabes, mind you.]). People!!! What's wrong with you?!? Big Pimpin'?!?!?!?!?!

|Brought to you with love by Adam - Can't quite figure it out... |

ahoy to all the FUN! loving kids:
i am not sure if i made it clear or not.. but i'm no longer kickin' it public school style. i've moved to michigan, and i'm going to Interlochen; a private school for the arts. ie: drama, music, creative writing, dance, and visual art. i like to think of it as training wheels college, since i'll only be here for a year. thus far it's been a total brain overload, but this is a good thing.
here's what i've been doing:
-falling asleep in
Russian Literature
rather than just regualr English class.
-capturing a spider that closely resembled an ewok, [it was about the size of one, too.]
-painting apples and drawing skeletons, for about 5 hours a day. [technical skill is a beautiful thing..]
my only complaint is the fact that our school has no computer network, and the few computers we DO have look like somebody rescued them from a dumpster. other than that: everything is rad.

|Brought to you with love by meg - it's not easy being blue. |

Hey Swifty, when do we get to see a Friend Bear crossover?

I wrote a little bit of a rant about the Barenaked Ladies over at toddshot. Basically I'm sick of them being called 'quirky' and 'smart' like it's a bad thing. And if you don't mind a little bit of mainstream in your otherwise indie life, I highly recommend Maroon, their latest album.

|Brought to you with love by Todd - trapped in a world he can't decorate |

|Brought to you with love by swifty: like five pounds of shit in a hundred-pound sack |

Radiohead's Kid A is one of the most beautifully created albums in all existence. Ever. When October 3 rolls around, buy a copy. Give money to the band. They deserve it quite badly. This album exceeds my highest expectations for it, and that's saying a lot. It's like Radiohead meets Aphex Twin - ironically, the band that my Internet nickname (BlueCalx) is a reference to. Yay.

Some of you folks out there may wonder where the heck I've been. For the past [insert denomination of time here], I've been worrying about college. That stuff. I don't even move in until Friday. I'm a monument to sloth.

Also, Swifty decided to jam on over to my house for the weekend. We went out bowling, played pool, and other equally quality activities. It was very good. It roxored your casbah. Trust me.

Also, The Smashing Pumpkins have released a four-cd(!!!) set called The Friends and Enemies of Modern Music: Machina II. They pressed twenty-five copies of it and gave it to their most die-hard fans with the expectation that it would be all over Napster and then some by the end of the week. It was, and I picked myself up a copy. It's entirely new material. It owns me.

nickd.org is left over to Swifty and daniel of waferbaby.com. Go and visit their hilarious exploits... when they get around to posting.

|Brought to you with love by Nick - Everything in its right place |

Swifty, I'm guessing there's quite a few people out there who wouldn't mind a "snack they couldn't comfortably fit in their mouths", ifyaknowhatimean. But yes, it is a disconcerting thought. Flat, you say? Makes them sound a bit like some sort of cheese-flavored, nautical-themed Communion wafers. "And the Lord said, eat of this bread, for it is my flesh, and it has been constructed to resemble a whimsical fish." But what do I know?

|Brought to you with love by Todd - How can I sing like a girl? |

Today I realized, with a sinking feeling, that the Pepperidge Farm corporation has decided to market "GIANT GOLDFISH" -- like regular Goldfish crackers, but literally 300% larger, and flat.

I ask you -- what is wrong with this picture? Did anyone ASK for bigger Goldfish? Did thousands of Joe Q. Consumers storm the Pepperidge Farm company screaming "I WANT A SNACK THAT I CANNOT COMFORTABLY FIT INSIDE MY MOUTH!!" Were there petitions signed demanding that a snack remain unimproved, but be stretched to three times its normal size? What the hell are they THINKING???

I bet they come out with microscopic Goldfish next ("Goldfish Plankton! Now 30860% smaller!").

|Brought to you with love by Swifty -- clinging to the nickname like a drowning man clings to driftwood |

By the way, those Pro-Tornado freaks are scary. Don't mess with them. Oh no, I've said too much! If you don't hear from me in a few days, call the police. *gulp*

|Brought to you with love by Alex2000 - Is no more. |

Hello to all the new members, and the same to most of the old. Today is my birthday, and before you all shower me with your gifts and riches, let me tell you what I really want. I want all of the people responsible for awards shows dead, including the viewers. Most noted of these awards shows; MTV's Video Music Awards. I admit, I watched at least 90-120 seconds of this. Just long enough to masturbate to thoughts of savagely beating and raping Britney Spears, and listen to Sisqo say, "music originated mostly from hip hop".

Post Script: Bob Saget could kick the ass of both Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee.

|Brought to you with love by Jeff - Now 17 with a Vampire Kiss |

Partially in light of a site I was just reading, I'd like to clear up a longstanding misconception about Kung Fu movies.

Bruce Lee can and will thoroughly kick Jackie Chan's ass any day of the week.

As an action-movie fan as a matter of course rather than preference, I have nontheless borne witness to several of Jackie Chan's movies, from his poorly dubbed early 90's flicks like Operation Condor to his latest, Rush Hour and Twin Dragons (I'm not even going to go into that love story one). Although his conquest of the evil forces in all of these stories is quite complete, usually leaving anywhere from 10 to 8,000 Australian, German or Russian foes writhing in pain, it lacks a certain flair. His style is more of the "jump around your environment and hope that the spinning saw blades or industrial machinery inevitably present will dismember your opponents" philosophy than one would expect a martial arts master to be.

Conversely, Bruce Lee is far more refined in his technique. He is assassin, spy, street brawler and kung fu master rolled into one seamless package. Watching Enter The Dragon is like a journey into perfection, from the first moment we see Bruce on the Hong Kong cargo ship, to his coupe de grace - eyes wide, mouth agape and a slight howl piercing the silence of the outdoor arena in which he has just killed his opponent - to his final victorious moment, slamming the druglord Han onto a spear thrown through a false wall and creating one of the most well known visual sequences in martial arts movie history. Lee's punches are swift and pure, his technique is flawless, and he would, without effort, kick Jackie chan up and down the streets of Hong Kong for days on end.



|Brought to you with love by Peter - Admin of another site |

Alex2000: What's best for Alex...is best for Alex.

|Brought to you with love by Alex2000 - At least I'm smarter than George W. Bush. |

So, like...hi. New meat here, all ready for the broiling. Haven't a whole lot to say, except I seem to be the old man of the group at 25. Please don't make fun of my artificial hip, and stay the hell off my lawn. That is all for now.

|Brought to you with love by Todd - kids these days... |

Welcome aboard!

|Brought to you with love by Judah - Admin. of Tomorrow. |

On an unrelated note, I decided today to give up waiting for web pages to load. I noticed that I barely get done hitting enter after typing a URL before I start typing the next one. I guess it gives me satisfaction just to type the addresses and not actually look at the sites. Even with a cable modem, it takes too long to load the stupid things anyway, in this age of seldom-archived blogs and the like. Goodnight.

|Brought to you with love by Stuart - Wanton with bloodlust |

As for me, I've been listening to ZZ Top (for reasons which should soon become obvious), and I find I just can't stop.

|Brought to you with love by Judah - caught up in the Tube Snake Boogie |

sometimes i believe in fate, while other times i believe that chance dominates the world. it had to have been fate that brought me to the food court in the Spokane mall.. or it was my empty digestive system. i told the girl that smothered my salad in Gouda dressing that i dug her glasses frames. she looked surprised that mall people such as myself have opinions. anyway, she looked like an interesting person.. the kind you might pass in a building and think, "we could totally hang out, and we'd talk about melted popsicles and Socrates." but then you just keep walking, because that's what we people do. so: i found myself at the much famed Shari's the next day, for a quick bite before we rolled out of Washington. lo and behold, in walked my salad sista'. she took a seat next to me, chuckled jovially.. and remarked, "try the Italian here, the Gouda isn't any good." ....too bad i had to skip town, she looked like she knew her stuff.

|Brought to you with love by meg - orders the Chicken Fajita.. minus the Chicken, please. |

Alex, it does scare people when teenagers sell lemonade, but it creeps them out even more if they give it away for free.

|Brought to you with love by Jeff - Part of a non profit organization |

We're also setting up a lemonade stand...or is it not cute when teenagers try to sell lemonade?

|Brought to you with love by Alex - wonderwoman is my idol. |

Early this morning I discovered THE greatest show ever to hit the idiot box since California Dreams. It is called Great Pretender. If you have not seen it, I suggest you do as soon as possible. The show starts with the three absolute dumbest girls in the entire world, who incidentally form the chart-topping band Wild Orchid. Then, they bring out the acts. Kids ranging from the ages of 14-19 get on stage and lip-sync to songs ranging from Backstreet Boys to Nsync. Some people try to mix up the songs a bit, but will inevitably lose without the use of a boy band. Also, talent is not advised, as if you can play the instrument that they make you carry, you will receive a point deduction. The best way to describe this show is karaoke minus the singing. That's right, people standing there uncomfortably! I will make it to this show and win, and then beat without mercy everyone there, including the hosts, contestants, and audience members.

|Brought to you with love by Jeff - Adios, Sayonara, Good bye! |

ZZ Top called, and they were pissed. I guess they don't want me giving out the keys to their precious Eliminator to any old webmaster, and no matter how hard I tried to convince them that I would be discriminating in my decisions, and not just give it to my buddies to get chicks, they told me that if they caught me doing it, they would bust my ass back to the stone age. I dunno why I'm supposed to believe they're so impartial, since they give the damn things away to any loser who can't get chicks, but I guess there's nothing I can do about it.

|Brought to you with love by Judah - Under threat of legal action |

Alright. Let's say there's a kid. Let's call him, for anonymity purposes, "Bob." I know this sounds odd, but bear with me. I'd prefer not to call him "Sean Cassidy." Anyway, this "person" - if one can call him truly human - has done many, ehm.... "things." We can leave it at that. It's basically a string of completely unrelated events which have all had the common end of pissing all of us off - "us" being myself and approximately ten (read: seven) of my friends. Last night, we had decided to exact a creative and hilarious revenge on Bob. It had to be finely planned, and it couldn't involve vandalism (well, not much) or any other terribly illegal activity.

So we did what eight computer/calculator/math/science geeks would do to a fellow computer/calculator/math/science geek who had pissed the others off for so, so many different reasons. We did what we had to do. We did what some higher power obligated us - nay, forced us - to do.

We took forty-eight (48) rolls of toilet paper and used them all in the most sickeningly massive TP'ing campaign the human race has ever witnessed. Not a single precious square was wasted in the most terribly and perfectly accurate, swift, non-permanent, and methodical destruction of Bob's external property that one could ever possibly devise.

I'm pondering driving by his house today, but Bob knows what my car looks like, and if I get caught driving down an obscure street of Park Ridge very, very slowly, suspicions would arise.
So it goes.

|Brought to you with love by Nick - !! !! !! uu!! |

If you liked Art of War, you'll love Highlander. Take someone you love to see it today.

|Brought to you with love by Stuart - Loving this season's theatrical releases |

Of course, everyone knows I am an idea man, so I'll leave it to Adam to implement this procedure.

|Brought to you with love by Judah - mixing fatigue with bitter regret |

I'm sorry. Forgive me for my drinking problem - it's been helped. Adam has snapped some sense into me so that my FUN! character can now be revived. So what's been going on during my near-month long drunken stupor? Well, August has flown by and I somehow managed to pick up a job at Roth's and make many trips to Shari's with Adam and Joe for late night snacks in the middle of it. Those guys drag me along everywhere...even when I'm unconcious. How embarassing.

Good thing I'm back to my old self now and all ready for school to start. Er, what did I just say?? School?!? This Tuesday?!? Shit! Sorry guys, gotta go. Time to get massive amounts of alcohol to consume so that I can flush all depressing thoughts of school from my mind and ignore the fact that it starts in several days. See ya in a month or two once Adam comes to my rescue again!

|Brought to you with love by Matt - All sobered up |

"Sober up!", I shouted.
"Huh? What? Mom?" he mumbled.
"No! You sorry little shit! It's me! Get up and go post to FUN!" I commanded.
"Huh? Ok..." he said as he got up.
I started to walk out the door in anger that my first kidnapping attempt had failed, when I turned around, pointed an angry index finger to Matt and said "And don't write about drinking or porn!".

|Brought to you with love by Adam - very very mad! |

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